Abdicate: to give up or renounce (throne, duty, etc.)
The dreamer is the final authority on her dream. It is a rule I always stress when I teach dream work.
Too often, I see people, whether they are sharing dreams with friends, with
members of a dream circle, or on Facebook, give over their common sense and power to others, to professionals and nonprofessionals alike, allowing them to instruct the dreamer on what the dream is about.
I hate when I see someone comment about a dream with a flat statement that, for instance, a car “always” means ____ (fill in the blank). Or, as I saw recently, that whenever you dream, everyone in the dream is some aspect of you. Period.
As if dreams were black and white two-dimensional things rather than the multi-layered, rich, colorful beings that they are.
I often see this kind of behavior as well from those who use other intuitive tools, such as tarot, or psychic insights, to tell others what they should do and how they should live their lives. And, unfortunately, I see those on the other end abdicate the throne of self and their common sense to swallow all that insight and information whole.
Creatives—writers, artists, musicians and others—too easily abdicate their thrones as well, abandoning self-belief, self-wisdom, self-experience and turning power over to others, often with less knowledge or experience.
Has someone criticized your creative project? Did you let that criticism throw you into a royal tizzy wondering if you should change your work, start over, or just trash it? Even when that person has no understanding of you, the work or your field?
Distance lends perspective…sometimes. People love to tell you what your dream is about–because it is always easier to understand your dream than their own…they think.
But, you don’t have to abdicate your throne when they tell you what your dream is about.
Instead, if your experience were my experience, I’d be the Queen of Wands, fierce and passionate about my work or dreams, confident in my personal power and experience.
To keep others from pushing you to abdicate:
- First, check how their insights and feedback feel in your body. Do you feel a push back energy in your stomach or heart? Does your breath shorten or throat tighten?
- Second, ask yourself if those insights shed new light on your work or your life right now. Or do they just make you feel lousy?
- Third, ask yourself if you can put those insights to practical use in any way. If so, good, use them. If not, then leave those insights with the person who, well-meaning or not, used them to try to shove you off your throne.
There is a structure for sharing dream insights that I also use when I am doing tarot readings and when I am coaching clients that allows room for the person to take what I have to offer or leave it, thereby remaining on her throne.
“If your dream were my dream, I would…” Or, “If your story were my story, I would…” Or, “If this card were my card, I would…”
Yes, I occasionally forget my own rule and have to correct myself, but in this structure and format, I own my insights. I maintain my position on my throne, while allowing my friend or client or Facebook friend to remain seated on her throne as well.
Whether you are asking for insights on a dream, a critique for your creative work, or an intuitive reading from a tarot reader…
Be the Queen of Wands. Don’t give up your power.
Don’t abdicate your throne…Please!